The Subject is...

[Author's Notes] an Anger Causing Agent designed to drive words out of the Author's head.

I decided to spare you all the small font. Besides, I don't want this to be ignored cause this is my basic place of revenge, where I can spit it out and perhaps free myself of this anger that is causing all the kind and nice words I have towards the protagonist which means I can't write about her.

See, if you can't tell already, Barbara is mostly based on my mother. Stupid me. I was feeling charitable towards her after a conversation where the unspoken words were: "no one sees me for who I really am." So, I wanted to do something nice for the woman who reared me, who basically gave me my sense of humor, my life.

So yesterday, my darling mother (NOT!) called to wish me a happy birthday. Now, she did everything right, except ONE THING. Yet the one thing is probably the biggest button on me and she put it there, so she feels she can use it at her leisure.

First off, what she did right. She called me the day before, so she wouldn't wake me first thing in the morning. She was in a great mood, which was also good. And since I had to cut her off (I was at work), I called her back. BIG MISTAKE!

When we got to the subject of Christmas, I said, "I'm staying at Mark's." Now, while my sister has a wonderful really large house, there are only so many beds. And this Christmas, they'll have 5 adults and 2 children staying in a four bedroom house. I'm sorry, there's a friggin BED at Mark's. So, what does she say to my statement that I'm staying at Mark's?

"You're so selfish. Oh that's right, you've always been the selfish one."

You want to know why I hate this administration so much? They use the same bullying tactics my mother uses. Any sign of disagreement, "Oh you don't love your country." "Oh, you're so selfish." BULL FUCKING SHIT!

I am driving thousands of miles to come see her even though I want nothing to do with my friggin tweaker nephew. My friggin tweaker nephew will be staying at my sisters and ANY negative thing that happens, I am betting that he will run back to crystal and use that as an excuse. "Oh, E.E. (which is chinese for younger sister of mom), aren't you glad I moved back into my mom's and am clean now?" And my reply to that is, "I have no opinions about the subject. Any opinions I have will be on the result. You are still going through the process. Therefore, I have no opinions yet."

That'll be better than, "We'll see" right? People think my "We'll see" as an infuriating thing. I only say that because I don't wish to be pinned down on a friggin answer yet cause I don't have all the facts! So, I think I'll just state that. Cause I can just see down the road, "Well, E.E., if you had shown more support I might've made it."

Yeah, fuck you too. And fuck you Mom, for making have a shitty birthday by calling me selfish, something ONLY MY FAMILY seems to think. And strange, they only think that way when they're trying to convince me to do something I don't want to do.

Here I am, writing nice about you and your family, as a present to you to say, hey, your youngest DOES see you. Unfortunately, I also see that friggin ASSHOLE side of you! You are a hurtful, hateful human being when you don't get your way. And there are times when I really feel that Dad had EVERY reason to cheat on you for 40 years. You'd better hope you're not being an asshole when I get to that part of the story, cause you ain't going like how I portray you.